Real Talk....

     Ok , I'm going to say it... I yelled at Yeshua today. Well, there you have it . 

 Since my last post in February I've been on a journey. A rather frustrating  one. The best way I can describe it is that somewhere climbing the mountain of Life I found a plateau and took a sit down. But instead of keeping my eyes towards the top of the mountain , I started looking down towards the rocky bottom. 

 Now , I love Yeshua. But as do all children at times , I didn't see eye-to-eye with Him. Heck... I didn't even think He saw me , to be honest. I've been struggling with so much spiritually. I have this vision of how I want Him to move in my life . I see it , I feel it , so why doesn't that happen.... 

 For an example , I know some folks who are quite imperfect. As are we all. And day after day ....heck ..more like year after year, they seem to find so much favor in the L-rd. He speaks to them in ways that I desire. He does things for them that I'd love to see Him do with our lives. So I told G-d

    "Seriously, what makes them so freaking special that they find favor with you all the time"? Yes I know they're human and have bad days , but I never see G-d not working in their lives. I guess its a great testimony for them .But for me.. it was like rubbing salt in a wound. So I asked again , " Do only people who are doing right all the time get You favor"?

 Now mind you , I'm not saying any of this in a nice voice... I'm truly having words with Yeshua. I was so upset. Ive asked for Him to move in our lives , like really move. And I believe, truly. I begged for my own growth. But still was so frustrated. So, a bit mad, a bit upset, I went on about my day.

 So one of my best friends called me the day before and asked if I wanted to get my nose pierced today. ( we have been planning this for over a year now!) So I agreed to today. So we get there , get them done , take a snap shot to remember it (it was so much fun), and we went on our way. As I do most things in my life I hit up my  fav go-to social network , Instagram . Posted the photo. Little did I know that I was about to be spoken to in one heck of a mighty way!

 A dear "instagrammer" whom I barely know, left me a comment that she felt impressed to say.She quoted me a verse. Its Ezekiel 16:11-13 it says "¹¹ I adorned you with jewelry: I put bracelets on your arms and a necklace around your neck, ¹² and I put a ring on your nose, earrings on your ears and a beautiful crown on your head. ¹³ So you were adorned with gold and silver; your
clothes were of fine linen and costly fabric and embroidered cloth. Your food was honey, olive oil and the finest flour. You became very beautiful and rose to be a queen.

After she posted it she added " I knew I had to give this to you! He adores you sister".  Wow...really...even when I shouted at Him without right , He still sends someone to give me His word.... Out of the mouth of G-d and into my heart. It was what I needed. It sure felt like it hit me right smack between the eyes. I said a quick , but heartfelt , "i'm sorry L-rd" and knew full well what He was trying to tell me. I got the sense of feeling loved. Its hard to explain , but I had the vision of Yeshua looking down on me , smiling right into my soul, and caressing my face with such tender , fatherly love.. Not saying a word to me but I could see the compassion in his eyes. Telling me He was so sorry ...even though He had done nothing wrong.

  So ...where I go from here I'm not sure. The only positive thing I know to do is to start climbing that mountain again. Its  a hard one, but the end is totally worth the while.

    

Spring and Renewal

((((Spring))))


  I cant tell you how badly im looking forward to Spring. Spring is the time for renewal. For a fresh perspective. Something of which my heart has been so deeply aware of lately. 

 You know when your thirsty and you're in a place where you can't get a drink and all you do is think about liquid?  That's my heart right now. Looking for fresh renewal.  

Im ready for new steps to be taken. A new journey , a new path. I'm ready for the spiritual Spring and the physical Spring. 

A lot of things are going to happen this year. Some of which I know about and some things that I know are coming but have no clue what they are. But I can feel them on their way. 

The path to self discovery is not all about the glitz and glam. More often than not its dirty and unpleasant. But its usually worth the work. 

I can't wait to watch Ziva learn things. Spending time with my baby girl. Just baby and me. Sadly , daddy is leaving for a deployment in April . For a whole year , again. This will undoubtedly bring us two ladies closer. My little baby and me will have to hold down the fort and investigate life together.   

I plan to teach Ziva about good food vs bad food. Since she has demonstrated several of my allergies I think its safe to assume we should steer clear of all that crap . But I can't wait to teach her organics and natural clean living. Im so excited ! I plan to teach her to do baby sign language so we can impress daddy ! 

It will be a year of adventure and growth. As well as sadness.  I wish hubby was able to be here with us. But we are tough ladies and we will make the most of it. Here's to our......newness !

Love In Any Language

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9X8Eb_H0HZQ&feature=youtube_gdata_player



Love can be such and unpredictable thing. One minute it can be the cause of your breaking heart and the next it can be the reason you're on cloud 9!

Love lately, for me, has been in the eyes of my daughter. The blessing of having this little life is far beyond my comprehension. I was unaware how drastically my heart strings could be played by a child. See her, holding her, being there for her is amazing.

There is something to be said for unconditional love. Its something that can't be bought or even earned. Its something that springs up in your heart that just naturally overflows! Lately, looking at my daughter, I feel this overwhelming urge to expand our family. Not at the present moment, but somtime in the next couple of years. G-d said,

 Matthew 18:2-6
"He called a little child and had him stand among them.  And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.  Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.  "And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me.  But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea."

How great is that love? Even more so to the parents who bring desperate, orphaned, abandoned, children into their households. Yeshua said, .....if you've done this unto the least of these so also have you done it unto me.

My husband and I have been adviced not to continue having babies. It could be a severely rough road if we try again. That leaves adoption. I have always been a multI-cultural kind of person. Im in my element when im around differnt cultures. Its just who G-d made me. I have a soft spot for people who are unlike myself. With that I've had a dream of having a multi-cultural family. We would love to adopt children from different corners of the world.

Its our way of going into all the world and preaching the gospel!
My dad was adopted. And by that woman. , my grandma,  my dad has a relationship with G-d that I dont think he would have had otherwise !

I'll finish with these song lyrics that are dear to my heart. If we could only just love each other this world really could have peace!

"Love in any language
Straight from the heart
Pulls us all together
Never apart
And once we learn to speak it
All the world will hear
Love in any language
Fluently spoken here"

With all my love

1.1.2013

January 1st 2013..... in truth the year ahead seems a little uneasy.  If  2012 was any example of what this year may hold....hah...who the heck needs resolutions?

I've overcame a lot this past year. Climbed many mountains and fought many uphill battles. I've delt with the heartache of past losses and the fears of possibly loosing again. Then the sadness was replaced with the joy of life. One that my heart has spent a decade dreaming of. My baby was born. The last half of this year I have learned so much. Felt so much. Yes. Even cried so much! It was filled with so much emotion and ....stuff... that im ready for a clean slate. A new canvas to splatter on all the beauty of this next year.

So here's to simplifying my life/life style. I desperately need simplicity! The plan is to de-junk-ify my house! Im talking like getting rid of 80%  of the things I dont need and then putting the rest in storage. Ive noticed that we (I.e. me , you, people) tend to rationalize things they /we want and turn them into needs. And in truth, over half the stuff we own are just things we dont need. Unless of course you're a minimalist already, and in that case , good for you.

I look at other's lives and see this persona of clean simple living.  Im sure its not perfect all the time. But it exists!  I came to analyze what they were doing so I could recreate that In my own hone. And what i came up with was minimalism. Now..to a self-proclaimed pack rat. ..thus isn't going to be easy, but it must be done. 

Now on to my insides.... (bet ya didn't see that coming!). Im not going to get gross...no worries.  But they do need a good cleaning as well. If you have no idea who Dr. Gerson is I strongly suggest you look him up and what he has come up with. The short version,  he discovered that through natural , organic, whole, clean, juiced, and ingested raw veggies and fruit you can cure some of the most deadly diseases. I know that may seem a bit far fetched but if you give the documentary a chance i think it willmake. sense to you. It talks about how if you put the things your body that we were naturally supposed to have that the human body is so powerful it will start attacking things like Cancers and tumors and such...

If your still a skeptic watch the documentary. But i plan to follow t h is regiment closely. ..maybe  not to a "T" but close. I want to rid my mind body and soul of the junk and clutter thats inside me weighing me down.  

I think this new year could be a turning point if I allow it to be. I am my own worst enemy.  I can rip myself a new without even speaking a word!  So for 2013 its about simplify , simplify, simplify! Positivity and courage..... bring on the clarity! 

Happy Days

Im in love with mornings like this. Its quiet . All except to the coos of a little girl dying for my affections. She melts my heart in so many ways. Every morning we wake up and do the same dance. She looks at me with a huge grin and then proceeds to tell me about her night. This babble is music to my mommy soul. She moves her arms and kicks her feet with excitemment. I lean into smooch those cheeks and her arms start moving. They go faster as I get closer! Who would have thought that this one little , tiny, person could melt my heart like no-one else?  Looking into her eyes I see so much goodness. The joys of things to come overwhelm me!  A dear friend of mine told me today that Ziva is destined for something great. I have to agree. She has such a personality. She's so strong willed. She has an appetite for life like no other!

I love her more than I thought possible. Yet somehow that love continues to grow. Forseeing all the love to come excites me. How did I get this blessed?  For real? 

Looking into her eyes and seeing that smile makes me think of future moments we'll share. All the nail paintings , the dress up, the art studio , the tree house and teepees to build. Oh what fun awaits us. I think having babies gives you a second chance to go back and do some things you wanted to relive. 

Here's to my beautiful sunshine. May the light of Yeshua shine brightly through you forever!  

Tis' the Season....

           This post has been a long time coming. I kept putting it off . I'd intend to sit down to write but then , like things always do, I'd get distracted and forget. We've done so much this month.  Its actually been quite exciting! Its Ziva's first Chanukah/Christmas so we really tried to celebrate the season like the whole month of December!    

Let me tell ya, this woman feels like wonder-mom! I can decorate, bake 5 different types of cookies, make 2 big holiday meals, get gifts, make gifts, buy more decorations, visit family and friends. All while taking care of the baby (who still acts like a newborn) , maintaing the geral household (I.e.laundry, cleaning, meals , etc)  and still managing to enjoy this season! Trust me ...its nothing easy to do all of that and not get lost in the hustle and bustle of things . 

So many times I caught myself in my typical trance....cup of coffee in hand, eyes fixated on the blinking of Christmas tree lights, while Deck the Halls rings out from Pandora on my laptop. Which I may add has been smartly hooked up to the tv so I could use the surround sound to blare Christmas music throughout the entire house. There were so many things that I still didn't get done that I wanted to. I wanted to have a Christmas potluck. ..you know ,invite some friends and have a blast just hanging out. Or  actually take more pictures where I actually dressed up ! Lol haven't done that in a wuile. 

But none of these things trully fills my heart as much as my baby girl or my husband does. This is the first Christmas season that I saw my husband actually get somewhat giddy about the holidays!  We decked the halls brightly with baby in tow and had a blast doing it!  I couldn't have ask for a better gift. My heart was greatly warmed when my husband danced the baby around the room singing 'its beginning to look a lot like Christmas' while I made cookies. I often wonder what G-d sees in me to bless me with such a wonderful , beautiful , little family. I don't know what it is but I'm deeply and truly blessed!   

Happy Holidays

Happy Holidays

                                                         Dont mind the mess 


 I know its been a while since my last post. So many thinhs have happend since Ziva's birth. Its been nothing short of craziness! We moved back home to the house that we own. Its a little cottage in the country surrounded by my very own woodland adventure. We been unpacking, mostly , since we got here. We managed to put up a few decorations for Chanukkah and Christmas. I have plenty of photos to share and many new plans and exciting DIY's to share in the near future. I just wanted to drop a short line to let you know we didnt fall off the face of the earth. I just went around it a few times!  Lol Now that everything is settling in , I'll be able to start blogging more ; and we can see where it takes us. Until next time , be blessed and well!